 |
I'm Claire.This is my blog.
And you just started what might possibly be the most intense journey through my mind.
Welcome to the trials and tribulations of being...a Twinky©.
Sometimes it's best to not understand the deeper meaning behind things,or you could get lost within the mirrors of your own soul.
Trippy.
The thing you have to keep in mind about it all is that sometimes you have to back up before you can get closer.Monet made a very good point of this,heh.
Sometimes life is better lived without a deeper understanding. Such is my blog.It's cryptic and artsy,never mind that it's just downright odd. No Angel If you gave me just a coin for every time we say goodbye Well I’d be rich beyond my dreams, I’m sorry for my weary life I know I’m not perfect but I can smile And I hope that you see this heart behind my tired eyes If you tell me that I can’t, I will, I will, I’ll try all night And if I say I’m coming home, I’ll probably be out all night I know I can be afraid but I’m alive And I hope that you can trust this heart behing my tired eyes I’m no angel, but please don’t think that I won’t try I’m no angel, but does that mean that I can’t live my life I’m no angel, but please don’t think that I can’t cry I’m no angel, but does that mean that I won’t fly?
that's me alright =)
Contact Me
|
 |
 |
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Monday, May 17, 2004
I drove home tonight with my Lauron,and we discussed life,boys and waffles.
And then she looked at me and said,
"Sometimes...you have to let go of people before you drown along with them..."
Oh my God,I thought.She just summed up what everyone myself included has been saying in one simple sentance...
There's so much inside me,wanting to let loose and be free to follow it's animal instincts.
Wanting to bite people that are in my way,and jump on the pretty boy in math,and yell at my stupid English sub,and just let out what's inside me.
But I know that I can't,because there's too much expectation suffocating me to be a human being and a functioning part of society.But what if I don't WANT that?!
I wish I could be a monkey and just run away into the trees.And not be told how to stand up straight or any of that.
Though I don't really want to throw my own poopy.=P
Posted at 11:06 pm by SpazzyPunkette
Sunday, May 16, 2004
I went to MYAF(michigan youth arts festival) for three days.
It was like stepping back from one of those dot-paintings and finally seeing the actually picture instead of the individual dots.I understood why each blemish of color tied into the full image.
Kalamazoo is bad-ass.So is Western's campus.And the dorms can only be described in two words:
Ghetto-ass.
I felt like such a gee!!
Anyway,so the main events were...
*Taking John's hat every ten seconds
*Putting Pat's hair into not one,not two but THREE pigtails
*Interviewing Matt Baker
*Getting attacked by an elevator(the bruise is freakin' BLACK,ok)
*Meeting a ubber-hot boy named James and then never seeing him again and feeling sad
*Getting caught in a downpour with Anna and Kyle,and dancing with them in the rain
*Showering with Anna and then telling everyone
*A pillow-fight with Anna,and the ambush of our next-door room people,which resulted in a bitchy Jenny and a happy Liz.I like Liz =)
*The phone-call from Tom where he told me how he had gone to a concert with Heather,and the discussion with Anna I had afterwards...
*And lots of private self-reflection
Posted at 08:38 pm by SpazzyPunkette
So there's this guy.He's my boyfriend.
I don't like him much.
I hate being in this paradox of hating him when he's here,and wanting to see him when he's not.
He's such a goddamn asshole,and yet I can't get out of being in a relationship with him.
Last night I even fucking ASKED him if maybe he could lay off the sexual stuff 24/7.And then today he comes over and immediatly just tackles me into the bedsheets and kisses me.I didn't have a problem with this much,but then he starts guilt-tripping me,with things like."Ohhhh you're so pretty and it hurts so bad,it's so hard not to touch it,I haven't even masturbated in a week just so it would be special when you did it," etc. And I felt so cruel and un-feeling that I just kind of gave up.I did.
I told him I'd just say hello.and that was all I was doing.
After hello he guilt-tripped me more.And I did more.
This went on and then somehow his hand made it into my pants.I protested,and then this is where he got pushy."NO,Claire you know you want it you know it..." and things just disolved.
He's so manipulitive.And I never even realize it until after he does these things.When these episodes happen(damn that was plurral I feel so weak...),I feel as though everything has just sort of melted into one huge ball of sound,sweat and touch.
I've been with him for over ten months.That's a long time.
Is time an excuse to be a jerk and get away with it?
Then there's Dan.He's just a fucking dweeb.Thinks girls like him or some shit,when really they're all just using him cuz he's so desperate he'd do anything with anything.Yeah,even a sex-wanting badger or something.He's disgusted me for months,but I didn't say anything until wednesday,when it finally just crossed the line.
Here's something you have to understand about Claire.I have feelings for everything on this earth.I hold to the belief that there is some good in everyone,and therefore no-one should be treated like crap,at least until they prove my theory wrong.
Now,you understand why I put up with his antics for so long.Then he just failed as a person.
I don't know -I'm sure there's some perfectly honest and non-manipulative guys out there,but why the FUCK can't i find any?My 8th grade bf used me for sexual favors & THEN for trying to hook up with one of my best friends.The same routine goes around and around,and I'm so sick of it.
I understand that boys are natually horny,it's their nature,But are they all that fucking un-restrainable?
Finally,there's Tyler.Damn he seems cool and all that good stuff,but he's taken.I'm flattered that he still wants to do things with me,but fuckin' A,can I ever just get an un-attached guy who doesn't just want me cuz I'm hot or whatever?
No,you know what?I'm done.I don't need a man to make me happy.All they're causing me is stress at this point in my life.I'm going to be one of those un-touchable girls everyone wants and no-one can have.
They'll be falling at my feet trying to get me to accept them.
=P
Posted at 08:12 pm by SpazzyPunkette
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
First entry in a brand-new,sparkling clean and generally non-judged blog.I like the feeling of no restrictions or trying to protect the guilty from knowing they've commited a crime.
Fucking high school.Fucking hormones.Do guys ever learn how to control their penis?
That's my first entry.Deal.
Posted at 10:54 pm by SpazzyPunkette
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
