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I'm Claire.This is my blog.
And you just started what might possibly be the most intense journey through my mind.
Welcome to the trials and tribulations of being...a Twinky©.
Sometimes it's best to not understand the deeper meaning behind things,or you could get lost within the mirrors of your own soul.
Trippy.
The thing you have to keep in mind about it all is that sometimes you have to back up before you can get closer.Monet made a very good point of this,heh.
Sometimes life is better lived without a deeper understanding. Such is my blog.It's cryptic and artsy,never mind that it's just downright odd. No Angel If you gave me just a coin for every time we say goodbye Well I’d be rich beyond my dreams, I’m sorry for my weary life I know I’m not perfect but I can smile And I hope that you see this heart behind my tired eyes If you tell me that I can’t, I will, I will, I’ll try all night And if I say I’m coming home, I’ll probably be out all night I know I can be afraid but I’m alive And I hope that you can trust this heart behing my tired eyes I’m no angel, but please don’t think that I won’t try I’m no angel, but does that mean that I can’t live my life I’m no angel, but please don’t think that I can’t cry I’m no angel, but does that mean that I won’t fly?
that's me alright =)
Contact Me
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Thursday, February 17, 2005
fingers numb from no heat in house.
Mind racing about
everything
and being in love with somone's thoughts but not them
it's confusing
and knowing your mother thinks you're done for
pretending you're not
ugh
I just feel like suck.
Will this ever go away?
forgot medicine again.
Maybe I am done for.
February fails.
I fail.
I think my mind is dying. Posted at 08:58 pm by SpazzyPunkette
Monday, February 14, 2005
I'm so ashamed for abandoning this little side blog...I feel irresponsible and fat.
If you honestly haven't been keeping up with my mind lately(which you haven't because no-one does because I don't tell anyone about it),here's the downlow.
My depression returned with a vengance.
I thought this was all fixed.I thought the medicine was my safety net.I thought I was labled OKAY.
I feel betrayed by my own head.Why aren't the right chemicals in there,you shithead?I know this isn't my fault,that's what they've always told me,but somehow it IS,it IS my fault for letting myself backslide like this,for not seeing the little roadmap signs.
I should have guessed,should have fucking known this was coming.
The biggest indicator was how I couldn't even be bothered to eat.I survived on water,yogurt and sugar-packed treats.
I'm so tired of being the screwed-up kid.Just for one day I want to see someone else sit in this chair and try and cope with being less then ordinary.
I don't WANT sympathy for being this -I want a brain with the ability to function.
I have nothing left.
Happy Valentine's Day,mister brain.I guess it's just you and me this year. Posted at 02:41 pm by SpazzyPunkette
Monday, August 09, 2004
mondays are never as good as they sound beforehand
what a waste of eyeshadow.
didn't even see me.
i really hate that he has that kind of control over how i feel.
hi my name is Claire and my feelings have been living in the dirt for some time now.because he stepped on them.
it's really too bad because
i should have quit thinking about this back in June. Posted at 10:28 pm by SpazzyPunkette
Friday, August 06, 2004
liar liar pants on fire.fuck you.
fuck you john.
you lied to me and i'm sick of it.
i'm sick of pretending that i don't care.
i had so much hope that maybe just for once someting would work out for me.
i can't believe you would do that to me.
but then again you're a self-absorbed asshole.
why did i think it would be different for me?!
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
i really hope i don't hit you come monday.
because i know i won't stop once i get started.
fuck you!!
i ahte boys!
all they ever do is SCREW ME OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hate it!
and each time
i think it will be different
but it isn't
and i hate them.
i need to break something. Posted at 12:12 pm by SpazzyPunkette
Thursday, June 24, 2004
ordinary isn't good enough,dammit
I'm about to cry,because I am so fucking frustrated with myself.
Why the HELL did I fall for John?
I should know better than to think that he won't just go after other girls.
Fucktards.Fer real.
I want to be selfish for one day,and have him to myself,and say no you're MINE!
And I know that won't happen because he is dumb and he likes girls.NO matter how much he tells me I'm different,
Do you worry that you're not liked
How long till you break
You're happy cause you smile
But how much can you fake
An ordinary boy an ordinary name
But ordinary's just not good enough today
Alone I'm thinking
Why is superman dead
Is it in my head
We'll just laugh instead
You worry about the weather and
Whether or not you should hate
Are you worried about your faith
Kneel down and obey
You're happy you're in love
You need someone to hate
An ordinary girl an ordinary waist
But ordinary's just not good enough today
Alone I'm thinking
Why is superman dead
Is it in my head
We'll just laugh instead
Doesn't anybody ever know that the world's a subway Posted at 06:54 pm by SpazzyPunkette
Sunday, June 20, 2004
Is it possible to be in love with someone when you're asleep?And realize that it's your best friend's crush you're falling asleep on?!
I like John.Fuck fuck fuck.
Fine I admit it -I've liked him since last october,but never told a soul.What would everyone think?
The consequences would be horrific,Kind of like the gas prices.
And Anna has a major crush on him,and so of course I let her rant on about it every day,never letting on that hey maybe I liked him?
Then last night at the party,at the end,Pat pushed me onto John/John's bed,and I wound up just laying on him,thinking how good he smelled.And he held me,and we mumbled about relationships and summer and my crazy mother,and all I wanted to do was pull the covers over us and kiss him hard,like in all those Dashboard songs.
But I can't!!!Anna would KILL me if she even knew about the whole lying in bed togther thing.
So obviously this is one crush that is doomed to remain a crush forever and always.
Fuckage.
All last night,I was so restless and couldn't sleep,all I could think of was him and how great it was just to feel his hand resting in the small of my back.
And how much I want to let go of all reservations and just make out with him.Or at least do something with him,like sip chai tea or play paintball or swim in the fountain downtown...
AH!
I hate this feeling of wanting and hopelessness.I mean,let's be honest -I gets the guys.All but this one.
And it isn't fair,dammit...
Never mind that Tom refuses to let me break up with him,so I'm still attached,making this even more of a bad thing.
Can't Take My Eyes Off of You ~Frankie Vallie
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
Pardon the way that I stare.
There's nothing else to compare.
The sight of you leaves me weak.
There are no words left to speak,
But if you feel like I feel,
Please let me know that it's real.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
I love you, baby,
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay
And let me love you, baby.
Let me love you.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
I love you, baby,
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay...
I'm such a sucker for that song.
Posted at 01:02 pm by SpazzyPunkette
Sunday, June 13, 2004
Pirates and tornados that you're willing to brave for Johnny Depp=)
Pirates tonight!Yaaaaaaaay!
I think I'm going to wind up cheating on my dumb butt boyfriend.
My hair is gonna be ubber-red,and damn I'll have an attitude to match it.
Also scored some black eyeliner.Hotttttt.=P.
I likes me an Anna!
Arrrrr. Posted at 06:45 pm by SpazzyPunkette
Friday, May 28, 2004
Have you ever felt like you have to cut yourself to see if you still bleed?
To see if you're still alive?
And whether anyone will ever come running?
Posted at 05:10 pm by SpazzyPunkette
Sunday, May 23, 2004
Sometimes you can only listen to your logic for so long until your heart kicks in.
Too many times it's been too long
I don't understand my head
Yearning to get close to you
I'll be the sheets upon your bed
Fingering the keychain full of
Ways into your heart
I'm driving down a street of memories
Back when I knew where to start
And as i walked into the hall
A red-haired heart-breaker singing
you stopped your progress and told me
It was the end of the beginning
I took you to my shiny room
We looked at blacklight stars
Drinking in what little I had
And taking me to your car
the rain poured down upon
A tattered child-hood tree above,
taking in the red-rose sounds
Of cruel intentioned love.
And as i walked into the hall
A red-haired heart-breaker singing
you stopped your progress and told me
It was the end of the beginning
And as i walked into the hall
A red-haired heart-breaker singing
you stopped your progress and told me
It was the end of the beginning
Posted at 03:22 pm by SpazzyPunkette
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Tried to drown self today.Succeeded only in getting soap in eyes,and maybe having a deeper understanding of suidal people.
And I ambushed Raphie today.Yum.
That's all.
Posted at 07:38 pm by SpazzyPunkette
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